I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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