I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
