so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
