awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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