my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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