take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
