you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
