What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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