So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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