I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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