Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I will be naked everywhere
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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