New invention idea: vibrating tampons
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
