He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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