duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
