i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
