i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
