I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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