So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
