did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need moral support for this bender
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
