Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
