There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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