he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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