i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
