I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
is that a dick in a sweater?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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