I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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