He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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