I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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