i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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