I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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