the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
