Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
