He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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