All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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