Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
