My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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