No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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