we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
