I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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