wanna go halves on a baby?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
