did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
