He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
