I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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