You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
