I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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