I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
