whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
