He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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