I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
