i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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