i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
