I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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