He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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