i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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