No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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