Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
