i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
