it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
