dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
