we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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