there's paper in my vomit.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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