my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
