Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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