I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
